forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
