I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
how does that bad decision feel?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
