I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
