I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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