It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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