Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
