i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
