your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
