i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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