Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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