I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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