OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
