Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
