you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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