Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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