so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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