if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
