I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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