i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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