is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
