I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ketchup is God's man juice
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
