I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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