Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
