btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
