I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
