honey bunches of taint.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
