It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
