the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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