Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
