If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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