SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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