My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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