i would punch a child for taco bell
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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