How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
