I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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