I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
