Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
