Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
