i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
