on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
