Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
