Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
