So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
