Im at strip club and am horny
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
