Pregnant stripper...not hot.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
