Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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