i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
