i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
