# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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