Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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