dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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