It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
