yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
