you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
