You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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