I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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